We’re setting up a bit of an office area, and we decided today to get some office desks, and a new bookshelf.

One of the things we forgot though, is that most of this stuff has instructions written by people who I can only assume, have it in for most of humanity. Also, who delight in making sure that all the screws look more or less the same, except if you look at them under black light, or under the light of the full moon.

So, we begin assembling the glass shelved bookcase, and we’re about to put the shelves on, when I realise that I’ve screwed one of the damn supports upside down.

The fiance has actually tightened the screws by now, which I never do, because I just fuck up so often. I think I’d rather have the whole thing fall over than have to unscrew stuff. By this stage, the fiance has a gouge in his hand, and I’m relatively injury free.

We manage to put together two desks, and we’re thinking ok, this is working well.

Then I start to build the stupid fucking white board (which, I swear, I better see all manner of shit written on it, there’d better be diagrams and all sorts of work written on it, or someone is going to bleed) and I realise, this isn’t even an allen key.

It’s got normal hex bolts, and all I have to build it is a little spanner that might as well be made out of plastic for all the use it is.

There’s about 2347904 screws, and all the holes are all spaced incorrectly, and it’s just a seriously painful thing to make. I give up about half way through because not only do you have to screw a million damn screws, you also have to balance on your head, and screw shit in upside down while with your other 10 hands, you keep the whole thing from dropping on your toes.

So now I have a headache from the allen key hitting the metal every 4 seconds and going ‘TING!#’, I have a piece of skin on my thumb that is flapping open and stinging me, and I’m pissed off with the entire ‘case goods’ industry.

I bet they put webcams in the packaging and broadcast people making their damn furniture on youtube.

I know I would if I were them.