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Dear DickheadGovernment Body,

You’ve perhaps decided for whatever idioticundoubtably sound reason that it’s a very clever reason to sell off your

  1. water board
  2. electrical company
  3. gas company
  4. telephone company

and get someone else to deal with the erksome issues of actually providing services to your population. The same population, I might add, that paid for the infrastructure that delivers these services to your constituentscustomers.

Yes, we all realise that it’s been years since those pesky taxes actually paid for the infrastructure, and we all realise (oh, how we realise) that people today are too fucking braindead stupid to understand that you need to pay to keep these things in order… and we REALLY understand that you lot are too busy calling hookers on your government issue credit cards to explain that we actually pay taxes to keep this shit looked after.

Sorry? What’s that? Oh, you don’t spend our taxes on that? You spent it all on dodgy submarines that don’t work, and on holidays for your pets? Well, here’s something you might want to think about. You won’t stay in that job forever. Soon you’ll actually have to deal with these total cuntbags you’ve sold all OUR utility companies to, and try to explain why it is that your house actually is nicer when you have heating you can afford.

See, you, as a government are not a commercial company, and the closest you have to share holders are us, the citizens, so the things YOU look after, are supposed to look after US. You aren’t meant to run at a profit, you’re just meant to bring in enough money to provide for all the things that you promised us. Like heating. Water. Lighting. Flushing toilets. Simple things like that.

What these arse fucking corporate cunts that you’ve sold our utilities do though, is care about profits. To make profits, you basically have to stop giving a fuck about anything other than selling your shit for as much as you can, and giving as little as possible back in return. This means, they can charge like a wounded fucking bull for services that we used to pay taxes to receive. Oh, and did you ever reduce those taxes now that we’re not getting the services in return? What’s that? You needed a house in Aruba? I understand.

I just want a chocolate, or a cup of tea, or some roses delivered. Because seriously, if I’m going to get anally raped by a bunch of corporation butt fuckers, I should get something out of it.

Seriously, a pamphlet a year about the wonders of why I need to pay so much for so little does not count as foreplay.

Or lubrication.